


Dean & Self-Esteem Issues

by suckerfordeansfreckles



Series: Short Destiel Drabbles [11]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cas tells Dean how much he means to him, Dean hides from Cas, Dean is insecure, Finally, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Insecurity, Like PURE fluff, Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Doubt, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, idek what this is, they love each other a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-06
Updated: 2018-01-06
Packaged: 2019-03-01 04:48:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13287327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suckerfordeansfreckles/pseuds/suckerfordeansfreckles
Summary: Cas realizes that Dean hides from him after they are intimate and decides to tell him how much he means to him and the world in general.(This ficlet is basically one long love confession and Cas desperately loving Dean.)





	Dean & Self-Esteem Issues

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what this is, please don't judge me.
> 
> Dean just deserves so so so much love!

They are both coming down from their high when Cas notices it.

 

One second, Dean is happy, relaxed and sated. He‘s sprawled out on the bed next to Cas, all closed eyes and heavy limbs, trying desperately to catch his breath.

 

The next second, his eyes fly open, a mixture of terror and embarrassment seems to take over his features and when he scrambles to get a grip on the rumpled sheets, his expression closes off. As soon as he has his fists full of the sweat-soaked blankets, he covers himself up. He draws the sheets up under his armpits and fumbles around awkwardly.

 

Cas has been with the Winchesters for more than eight years. He and Dean have been officially dating for six months, have been intimate for several weeks now and Castiel is furious at himself for not noticing this behavior earlier.

 

For not noticing that Dean apparently feels the need to hide from him as soon as the afterglow subsides. That apparently, he’s ashamed. 

 

Cas has actually noticed Dean’s habit of shutting himself off after any and every even slightly intimate moment between them several times over the last two weeks. He just can‘t really believe that it took him so long to get the full picture, because if he looks back now, he knows exactly what’s wrong.

 

He knows that Dean has always struggled with self-worth-issues, with insecurities, even with his body-image. But, until this very moment, he never realized quite how much this topic still plagues Dean. He can’t help but flinch at how much his heart starts to ache with love and worry at this sudden realization.

 

Everyone who knows Dean Winchester, knows that he doesn’t really hold his own life very dear, that he would immediately give it up if it were to benefit his family or friends. It has happened several times before, but Cas had apparently been dumb enough to think that Dean has actually gotten over these issues.

 

There still are too many instances of Dean jokingly insulting himself and downplaying or outright denying any positive thing about himself. Castiel has never had any of it, has always told him to stop calling himself ‘irrelevant’, ‘insignificant’, ‘unimportant’ or ‚fat‘. Had tried to make him realize how important he is, how precious. But Dean usually just scoffs at him and tries to change the topic as quickly as possible.

 

Apparently, Dean still thinks he’s unworthy of this, unworthy of Castiel’s love, of good things, of feeling happy. Apparently, he still struggles with being himself and allowing himself to be loved for being himself. Or maybe he still can’t believe someone could do that, could love him for everything he is.

 

His beautiful, loving, big-hearted, amazing Dean still thinks he isn’t enough.

 

„Dean?“ He asks tentatively and turns to his side to look at his boyfriend, who in turn continues to stubbornly stare at the ceiling.

 

„Hm?“ He still avoids to meet Castiel’s eyes.

 

„Dean, could you please look at me?“ Cas pleads, inching closer to Dean’s side.

 

Somehow the urgency in his voice must have convinced Dean, because he turns his head and watches Cas with a slight frown. „Yeah?“

 

„I have to tell you something very important and I need to you to actually listen, can you do that for me?“ 

 

He knows Dean will probably try to get out of this conversation as soon as he realizes what this is about, but Cas needs to try telling him how he feels about it nonetheless.

 

„Yeah, man. Shoot.“ His eyes are still on Castiel‘s face, though they are now filled with worry.

 

„I love you, I love all of you. Every single bit,“ Cas says as he gently places his hand on Dean’s flushed cheek and continues.

 

„I adore you for your soul, your mind and your body- and there is no part of you I don‘t like. Sometimes I wish you could feel how deeply I love you, how strong my feelings for you are. Because I think if you did, you might not feel the need to hide yourself from me- or anyone else, for that matter.”

 

“Cas, please don’t-“ Dean whispers, a desperate edge to his voice.

 

„No. Please just listen. You are perfect in every way and you are loved immensely. I know that people have told you otherwise and I know how critical you are with yourself, but I think it’s time for you to start looking at all the things you have accomplished and to finally acknowledge all the amazing things about yourself.” There’s a sound very close to a heart-wrenching sob coming from Dean, who has his eyes closed at this point.

 

“I need you to know that you are more than enough. That you deserve every single good thing that happens to you, and many more. That we deserve each other… it took me some time to accept this, too.” He leans forward and gently brushes his lips over Dean’s blush-heated, freckled nose.

 

„I do also realize that I‘m not the person you need to hear this from. I know that the only person that could actually make you believe any of this, is you. I hope that maybe someday you start being a little more gentle with yourself. Because if anyone deserves it, it‘s you. You are worth so much, Dean.

 

„In the meantime, just please never forget that I love all of you with all of my heart and that this won‘t ever change.“

 

There are tears in Dean‘s eyes when he finally opens them again and throws himself at Cas, knocking Castiel’s hand from his face and locking him in a hug so tight that Cas fears for his life for a few seconds.

 

„I love you, too.“ Comes the muffled answer against Castiel‘s shoulder. 

 

„That was not the point though, was it? Dean, you need to start loving yourself. You need to do this for yourself,“ he murmurs gently against the top of Dean‘s head, showering his rumpled hair with chaste kisses.

 

„Yeah, I know. Nobody ever cared about it before... I’m gonna work on it, I promise.“ He says, determination clearly audible in his still hoarse voice.

 

“Thank you,” Cas murmurs as he snuggles impossibly closer to his boyfriend and starts gently rubbing Dean’s back.

 

Dean does have to learn how to love himself on his own- but maybe Cas can at least help him discover all the amazing things about himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on [Tumblr](https://suckerfordeansfreckles.tumblr.com)
> 
> I swear I'm nice- and I love talking to you guys! :)


End file.
